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An Albatross Perching On My Collar: A Letter To Allen

Updated: Nov 29, 2023



Dear Allen.


I apologize deeply. I deeply regret not being able to move on from my past love, causing you pain. I admit that I am the type of person who possesses such tendencies. It is clear to me now that I was never the right match for you. I realize that for a year now, I have been toying with your emotions, and I am truly sorry.


My first encounter with you at the library remains vivid in my memory. I was instantly attracted to your good looks and amusing personality, and I desired connecting with you. I made special efforts to gain your attention, engage in conversation, and it didn't take much time at all.

We had a great first date at my place, and you were really nice and caring. You told me everything you had to say. When I was out in the garden with you, I kissed you. It was my fault and I shouldn't have done it. I just couldn't help but think about the guy who had broken my heart.


I wrote to you that night that I couldn't do it. We didn't speak for a few months, and then I kissed you at the dance with four other people. You looked so happy and content when I kissed you, but when you saw it with the others, you were mad and crying. I'm sorry, but I just wasn't ready.

One day, you sent me a lengthy text in which you expressed your true emotions and I laughed. The next day, you confessed your feelings to me at the dance and told me that you were in love with me, and I laughed again. The sound of my laughter haunted me; I cannot imagine what it did to you.


Several months later, I was still manipulating your emotions. I slept with you and told you that you were nothing to me, and I kept texting you. You kept texting me back and forth, and I kept ignoring you. I was a cruel person, and for that reason, I deleted your phone number and I could not do it again.

I know you'll never forgive me, and I don't expect you to, but I'm sorry. You were never the right person for me, and I'm not a great person. You cared more about me than I cared about you, and I used that to my advantage.


I hope you find someone who will treat you with respect and that you'll be happy. I'm sorry again. I deserve to spend the rest of my life alone, and I accept that. I know none of the people who read this will ever forgive me, but I hope one day I'll forgive myself.


Your Sour Punch


THE END


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