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Clear As Mud

My husband told me several days ago that he doesn't want to have kids.

He sobbed uncontrollably and confessed to me that he had known for some time but had been unsure how to tell me due to the significance of the information to me.

We've been together for thirteen years and married for eleven, and although he's been depressed for the past year due to challenging professional circumstances, I still believed that everything was going well. He has frequently stated that this was not the best time for a baby or that the thought made him anxious, but he has never stated that he did not want children.

I'm in shock.

I cried, was furious, and accused him of lying.

He claims that the entire time, he has been lying to himself.

I wept.

He woke up early the next day and went to work without waking me while I sobbed myself to sleep. I'm 42 years old and am eager to start a family. My heart bleeds at the notion of never having one. But leaving my marriage also qualifies. I would do everything for my hubby because I love him so much. And I'm incredibly sad and angry. Is there a way to continue? Right now, I want to cuddle him and punch him at the same time. I have no idea what to do or how I am feeling. In order to talk about my fertility and parenting options as a single parent, I've scheduled a consultation with an OBJYN for a few weeks from now. To those convincing me to abort, FUCK YOU!

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